Particles of Light: A Product Review

Greetings to our wonderful readership.

I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting this review since my previous post. I received all of your detailed and biologically accurate death threats when I delayed the review, and it is great to know how much you care about the information we’re bringing to you on this blog.

Shortly after I posted “An Uningibberable Conversation” I got a note, by email, about the particles of light with which I just merely teased you previously. This concerned reader noticed that I mentioned “mucus membranes” in the excerpt of the original draft of the review, and, as they informed me, it turns out that mucus membrane implantation is no longer the preferred method of transcendence.

[TO-DO: lookup the name of the person who wrote in so I can properly give credit]

After discovering this the first thing I had to do was perform a total mucus cleanse. Then I was able to try the new, more advanced methods of particles-of-light-induced-transcendence. However before we get into it, we’re going to need to learn about the medicology of hemorrhoids.

medicological hemorrhoid situation

[TO-DO: get a refill on the homeopathic anus rash cream, also the mucus still hasn’t come back maybe get some milk]

this fucker left there fone on there car!!! what is this shit anyway a blog?

To Luke: HELP! I’m trapped in a cellar by one of the fans of the blog. What wonderful convenient luck that there is a computer down here! And I don’t think he knows. Just hoping you check out my draft while you’re managing the blog.

To Luke: DUDE! Are you there? Also your post was supposed to go up by now, right? What the hell is going on out there?

To Allen: Sorry, man. I put off the post because Johnny Rotten passed, you know, our sponsor from down the hall, and we’ve been trying to recover from the loss.  Do you know where you are in physical space or meta-space?

To Luke: Yes! My physical body is in the cellar of that house about which you said “Looks like a house where there is certainly not a serial killer.” How’s that for irony? Also that’s such terrible news about Johnny Rotten.

To Allen: Is that irony? Because it’s not like I am an expert on serial killers, I was just kidding around. I would just call it a coincidence. Do we even know that this guy is a serial killer? So far you’ve just been kidnapped, right?

To Luke: Well, there are photos of starved-to-death people down here, so I think this guy has been a fan of several blogs before ours. Also, the definition of irony is not actually all that precise, it’s sort of a loose concept in a lot of ways don’t you think?

To Allen: Sort of. I’d rather not get into it right now. We just had to make a deal with TomorrowCar Inc to pay for your rescue operation and now they’re making some changes around here.

To Allen: We’re trying to sketch up a rescue plan, it would really help to know where you are in meta-space.

To Luke: It is as if my metaphysical body is adrift on the ocean with a raft just big enough for one, and the Titanic is sinking off in the distance.

To Luke: I just saw the new post about TomorrowCar Inc this morning.  It is probably too late for me to buy my voucher, so I guess I can’t go to that timeline now.

To Allen: Sorry, man. How are you feeling? I hope we can pull off this rescue before you starve to death like a cast away stranded on the ocean with a raft and no food.

To Luke: Now that I think about it, I’m not hungry…it must have something to do with these particles of light. This bears further investigation.

To Luke: How is the rescue plan coming? Also, I just saw the new Haugust Hofmann excerpt, what an extraordinary read!

To Allen: Yes, it’s a shame the book never got much circulation. The rescue will be tomorrow morning. When you hear the code phrase “the hen flies in this timeline” slam all of the weight of your physical body into the cellar door.

To Luke: Sounds good. Also, could you pick up some homeopathic anus rash cream and milk on your way?

WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS FUCKER GO???? I STILL HAVE YOU’RE FONE AND ILL FUCK YOU’RE BLOG FUCKER

we affishally now love baby killing

FUCK WHERE IS THE POST BUTON

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