Author Archives: Luke William Collard

Excerpt from HAUGUST HOFMANN: HUNGRY FOR LAUGHS (1967) by Abraham Mills

Chapter 3          In the mid-1930s, after many lawsuits between RKO Pictures and himself, Haugust Hofmann wanted his own part in the movies. Despite his disdain for cinema, Hofmann admired the films of comedic duo Laurel and … Continue reading

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Nach’yer Daddy’s Straight Gin to Brandy-VD Movie: ONE

We here at the blog are not under the influence, to produce award-winning, triple A-list blockbusting, family video chart-hitting, Dutchtowning, Cannesing, Sundancing, Holly-Wood inducing films, of booze. And to prove, despite the strong metaphorical whiff of hard stuff on the … Continue reading

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The Sport of MEATBALL, Chuck

MEATBALL is to be played with 1 sphere of raw red meat, with the sphere’s radius coming as close as possible to 7 Spaniards’ inches without reaching or exceeding said 7 Spaniards’ inches. Raw red meat sphere should be as … Continue reading

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Baboon Hits The Road

Baboon floats down Boulevard Street to the 24-hour store. He’s just been released from the Fransdorf Community Hospital, admitted for immune system complications after eating a maggot-infested Meatball Serenade™ sandwich. It is 5:05 a.m. and Baboon’s ecto-rectum is still stinging from ejecting … Continue reading

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TomorrowCar Presents: A Funeral for John Hollister Rotten. Part 1.

Below is the official funeral transcript exactly as it was Xeroxed from the TomorrowCar Corporation archives. The service took place at the TomorrowCar Chapel on May 27, 2017. The famous journalist Agnes O’Houlihan was hired as the typist for the ceremony. … Continue reading

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Excerpt from PRESIDENT TAFT, OF THE COLLEGE (1973) by Woodrow Slurginz

Obese Driggands College President William Taft, also known as President Laffy Tafty, a relative of rever’d obese American President William Howard Taft, order’d Professor Henry Slurginz to advance his primitive Transhuman Tonic to a most refined Medicology, to hence be … Continue reading

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Heaven’s Devils, a sestina from HARLAX

Creepy Rick and the Bunch bought Puch mopeds, ridin’ around, new life abounds, so groovy, like buyin’ a sword, new life, more energy, at least for Rick. Get out of the house, ride around, off the sofa, no more a … Continue reading

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